the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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