the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
