I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
