And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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