So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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