My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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