forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
