So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
