Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i now understand why vodka
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
