I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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