dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
