Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
