I want to make a zoo with you.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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