Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
