I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
