Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
