At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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