Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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