69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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