yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
