that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I want to fling myself into the sun
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
