Are we in a gay sports bar?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
