Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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