So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
