you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize