I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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