Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
