the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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