I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
