Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
