And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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