after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
