Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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