I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
