If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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