Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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