I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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