Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I wish my penis had an off switch
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
