I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
