When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
