I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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