it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize