Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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