Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
