Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I want to fling myself into the sun
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
