just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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