Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
