Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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