there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
