I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
