i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
