imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
