the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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