even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
