I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
