Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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