I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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