So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
