Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
