My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
