Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
