I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize