Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
