I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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