I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
