i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
