well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
