so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
