Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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