Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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