im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
