I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She even gives head with a lisp.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
