so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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