theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
