Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
