Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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