the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
