Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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