talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
