I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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