imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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