I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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