who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
