no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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