naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
