I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
But break dance skills will only take you so far
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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