his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize